Policewoman Read online

  Policewoman

  A Memoir

  Dorothy Uhnak

  This book is for Tony—

  for all the reasons we both know, which encompass mutual love and understanding; and also because he lives my life as much as I do, and he knows all the things that I had to learn.

  Contents

  INTRODUCTION

  1. “A strange world, a terrible world, a familiar world”

  2. “Start to know it; start to live it”

  3. “You will build a hard, impenetrable wall around yourself”

  4. “I shall serve the law; I shall serve the people”

  5. “I have killed the child, and he was flesh of my flesh”

  6. “A terrible thing was done to me”

  7. “Your only friend in all the world”

  8. “I have grown hard, and my heart has turned to stone”

  9. “You have become famous and your face is known”

  10. “Oh, read my future brightly; oh, make it all come true”

  11. “The jagged eye of justice”

  EPILOGUE

  Introduction

  I AM A DETECTIVE in the New York City Transit Police Department. If I were asked to state the most common reaction to this statement of identification, it would be the phrase, “But you don’t look like a policewoman!” It has been a source of deep annoyance to me that for the ten years I have been a policewoman this exclamation has been offered as a kind of compliment, both by culprits confronted with the authority of my statement and by acquaintances in a less vulnerable position. A policewoman, apparently, is supposed to look a certain way: big, heavy, hard, tough, obvious. She is generally expected to wear her experiences on her face, to have them glaring from her eyes or resounding in her voice.

  And then, too, I have been told that it is an amazing thing that I am in this work: that my training was in other directions—education, social work, to help and aid and assist people. Friends who have gone into these other fields suggest a certain polite disdain for my profession; acquaintances, upon learning of my job, feel it incumbent upon themselves to launch immediately into a bitter tirade relative to an unfair traffic ticket or an unprovoked show of authority by some surly policeman. Always, in their narratives, the innocent have suffered and been improperly served by the servant of the people.

  I entered my profession as a twenty-one-year-old girl, dedicated to a job that seemed inexplicable to others. I would have chosen no other way in which to serve: my interests have always been in the field of human relations, in people rather than in products. In police work, I have been confronted with the raw material of lives different from any I would otherwise have encountered.

  My education in life truly began, not in the classrooms of City College, but on the first day of my career as an active police officer. I had thought, rather tentatively, that I would become a social worker, and my courses in sociology, psychology, criminology and education were directed toward this field. However, police work had been in the back of my mind from early childhood when my heroes had been the real-life detectives of my neighborhood precinct. They had seemed, those detectives, to be in possession of all secret things, for they were constantly coming and going on unexplained missions to unrevealed places for unknown reasons. They seemed to me to be at the hub and center of all exciting and important events. I had watched them, envying all their hidden knowledge of the world.

  When I noticed a small advertisement placed by one of the civil service preparatory schools relative to a forthcoming policewoman’s examination, I felt that my future might lie in this direction, instead of in social work. And yet, instead of attending the classes designed to prepare one for the bewildering barrage of irrelevant matter that is characteristic of all civil service examinations, I let my studies slide, somewhat typically. I approached the written portion of the exam with a childlike trust: this was the thing for me and so I could not fail to do well. Instinctively, I would succeed. This complete faith lasted about three minutes—the time it took me to thumb through the hundred-question exam booklet. I searched for those questions whose answers I knew definitely, to get them out of the way; this would give me time to make educated guesses on the remaining questions. The questions were all multiple-choice, and the odds were three-to-one against me. I knew absolutely nothing about our city government or its charter, who is responsible for what, and which department handles what emergency. The seriousness of the situation finally hit me, but one consolation was the uneasiness of the others taking the exam with me in the large, school-smelly high school classroom in downtown Manhattan. I got very involved in the questions toward the end of the exam: those badgering, tricky problems involving men doing things to roads in so many hours, problems that could be solved, probably, with no effort if you knew a little algebra. (I no longer felt smug about being probably the only student who ever attended City College as a full-time, matriculated student without fulfilling the mathematics obligation.) I had to draw long charts of numbers, count things out, and then, finally, take wild stabs at answers.

  Comparing my answers to the tentative key answers published in the New York World-Telegram two days later, I found that I had achieved a score of 63, and 70 was the passing mark. But while marking the paper, I felt a strange burst of enthusiasm and a rather irrational sense of challenge: this job was what I wanted, had to have. The fact that I had written a failing paper meant nothing. In reading and rereading some of the questions and my answers, I started to argue against the choices given in the paper. Finally, I typed out twelve pages of protest to the Civil Service Commission—and probably the Commission has ever since regretted allowing candidates to take duplicate exam papers home.

  The written examination was in April. In August, I received a stiff card from the Civil Service Commissioners telling me to report for a medical examination and a competitive physical exam in early September. I have always had a secret, warm feeling that somehow the Civil Service Commissioners held my twelve typewritten, single-spaced pages in their collective hands, caressing them like innocent hopes, kindly. Whatever the facts (perhaps some questions I had answered incorrectly were protested by other candidates?) I had passed the first part. I was not really surprised. I knew I would make it, somehow.

  Once again, the small ads appeared: Prepare now for the physical examination for policewoman. This time, I did consider going to their gymnasium. I thought about it. But at the time, I was group leader for some twenty-two nine-year-old boys at a settlement house on the Lower East Side. We chased each other and swam in city pools and hiked on city streets all summer, so I was in pretty good physical condition. Weight-lifting was one of the requirements, so I practiced lifting small boys, starting with the lightest and working my way up to the rugged little bullish ones who forced their feet into the pavement, making me strain my muscles.

  It was a hot, humid September day when I arrived at the testing place—a large open playground in Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx. Overhead was the elevated subway, and near by was a group of red-faced workmen to cheer us on. The street was lined with elderly retired men, women with baby carriages and amused expressions, adolescents (apparently future clients, for it was during school hours) and, watching from behind a tree, my husband, secretly cheering me on, for God knows what reason, except that it was something that seemed really important to me.

  I did fine in the running and leaping event: this was a wonderful sport from my point of view and so easy that I felt a vague guilt about it. From a flat position on my back, I had to scramble to my feet at the sound of a whistle, race around a zigzag course and through a barrel, zoom out, leap a shoulder-high barrier, swing back, and race to the starting point. I had been doing this all summer in pursuit of fleet-footed little boys, and I wa
s an expert at dodging and twisting. As I leaped the barrier, a bright light flashed in my face. The New York Times photographer had been waiting for someone with an unorthodox leap: I did a johnnypump version, taught me by a nine-year-old—very different, but far more effective than what had been taught at the more proper prep schools.

  The weight-lifting events were an entirely different matter. I stood watching the other girls, to learn how to lift the barbells over my head. I didn’t watch long enough, however, for when I saw a girl about my height and weight walk up to the heaviest weight—about forty pounds—and heave it skyward with no apparent effort, I volunteered to be next. I made for the biggest one and got it to shoulder height. The object was to straighten it over your head, elbow stiff. I took a deep breath and fought it upward. The weight pressed back and my arm bent; the barbell thudded against the side of my head. There was a collective groan—of sympathy, and also of relief that it was me, not them. The tester was a very nice man (the brother, I am sure, of the man who accepted my not very logical written protests), for he called me over to his card-table desk and asked, patiently, where I had learned weight-lifting. I told him that I was in the process of learning right now, and he explained a little about shifting weight, stance, thrust, and told me to get on the end of the line and watch how the others did it. When my turn came again, he told me to pick the least heavy weight for qualifying purposes, and with some great effort, I managed to straight-arm it. I also managed the next best weight, and let it go at that.

  The last was the “killer event.” I had practiced sit-ups until my normally flat stomach was as hard as iron. Now they wanted me to lie down and lift a weight that was placed under my neck and shoulders. Some girls held my feet and there was a terrible commotion. My iron stomach suddenly became jelly: it was unwilling to bend, to pull me to the required sitting position. In a deathlike resolve (for I surely felt it was suicide to all my vital organs), with a terrible gasp I put my entire existence into one be-all or end-all effort: I sat up with the smallest qualifying weight practically welded to my shoulders. The tester asked if I’d like to try the next weight. I said no, I thought not.

  My score was qualifying, but not spectacularly so. There were three miserable girls there that day, all long-legged and skinny, who had achieved perfect scores in all the events.

  The next morning I could not report to the settlement house for work. I could not lift one hand off the bed: my body was a great massive ache from my shoulders to my fingers and toes. Tony, my husband, started off for work, then returned two minutes later with the New York Times. There was my picture—in fringed shorts, mouth open, tongue sticking out. I was leaping over the barrier like some escaping sneak thief. My picture was flanked by photos of the nonchalant one hundred per centers.

  All in all, however, I did not do too badly. Or perhaps others did worse, or hadn’t the heart for protest. Out of 1,240 girls who had taken the examination, 148 made the final list. I was number 63 on the list. I was happy, of course, to be on the list, but there was a nagging feeling, also typical of me, that I should have been number one. Maybe, had I made a greater effort ...

  The New York City Police Department moves slowly in calling candidates for the policewoman position. In December, 1953, I received a printed form requiring me to present myself if I wished to be considered for immediate appointment to the New York City Transit Police Department. I had never heard of the New York City Transit Police Department. I quickly learned that the salary, working hours and job were substantially the same as those in the New York City Police Department, and that upon acceptance of this position, my name would remain on the policewoman list for the N.Y.C.P.D., and that I would still be called by them in turn.

  It was not with any sense of elation that I appeared for the interview, for I did not at the time realize that my future would be bound with this police department. When, a year later, I was called by the New York City Police Department, I turned the job down, for I had in a true sense “found my home.” In the ten years that I have been with the Transit Police (whose job it is to police the entire transit system of New York City), the Department has grown from a rather small police organization supervised by superior officers assigned from the New York City Police Department, or “the street,” as we refer to it, to a completely independent, modern, competent police organization of approximately a thousand members. It is the fifth largest police force in New York State and is larger than the police departments of many cities. We have our own chief and our entire upper echelon has been graduated from the FBI National Academy in Washington, D.C. I am admittedly chauvinistic about the Transit Police Department, for I was a member of the Department during its growing years and am proud of its advancement in the police world.

  Now my reader might ask why I chose to set this book within the framework of the New York City Police Department rather than the New York City Transit Police Department. Perhaps the first reason is that I am still employed as a detective by the Transit Police, and there is a certain natural reticence involved. Secondly, and most important, is the fact that police officers, regardless of their area of concern, have common experiences, common knowledge. One officer’s range of awareness is identical to that of any other police officer anywhere in the world. The policeman inhabits a total world and can move freely in any jurisdiction of the police world with total understanding. Any policeman, anywhere, can understand the problems of any other policeman. The knowledge I have gained as a police officer with the Transit Police Department is no different from the knowledge gained by members of the New York City Police Department. I felt, as a writer, that I would have freer range to explore this world by moving from my own department to the somewhat broader area of “the street.”

  I am now assigned to the Special Services Squad of the Transit Police Department and work closely with members of the Department’s top echelon. My field assignments are only occasional and not of a particularly perilous nature. They are, however, extremely interesting for the most part and of a highly confidential nature; hence, my present assignment does not enter into this book.

  Before proceeding with my story and ending this informal introduction, I would like to answer some questions that I can anticipate from past experience.

  One of the questions most frequently asked of me is, “How does your husband feel about your job?” I have worked with men who seem to measure their masculinity by the dangers to which they have been exposed, by their toughness and hardness, and by the dependency of their wives. These men have declared in no uncertain terms, “I’d never let my wife be a cop!” My husband is an electrical designer. He has never felt that any of my accomplishments in police work, nor any of the ensuing publicity—the newspaper stories and television appearances and departmental honors—have taken anything from him, or detracted from his self-image as a man. Rather, they have enhanced his sense of pride in me and enriched our relationship as man and wife. His complete confidence in my ability to cope with whatever came along has been the real source of my strength in the face of difficult events, and it has been unwavering and steady and true. Tony has told me many times throughout the thirteen years of our marriage, that my career in police work has given me a maturity in relation to people that we both know I did not have. It has made me less quick to judge, more tolerant and understanding. I do not know if this growth would have occurred had I not gone into police work, but I do know that it is a definite and real and very important thing.

  There are certain questions that will inevitably come from those who know me and have worked with me, and hopefully from my readers who become acquainted with me for the first time through this book. Are the people real? Did the events described here really happen? Was I personally involved in the events described?

  The answer to all these questions (and I am not straining unnecessarily for ambiguity) must be “yes and no.” Are the people represented here real? Yes, of course. But there is no person in this book, including the writer, who is por
trayed exactly as he appears in real life; each character is based on someone I have come to know or have observed, or on someone I have seen fleetingly who has left an indelible impression for one reason or another. Each person represented merely serves the writer as the means by which the story must be told.

  Did these things really happen? All things on earth have really happened. All great things, all terrible things, all mundane things have happened, will happen again, for people do not change, and they make their own events or are carried along by events not of their own making. In that sense, the stories are true, but they are fashioned by the writer’s imagination, combined with the acquired knowledge of the policewoman. I feel it is my obligation as a writer to be selective, to change and maneuver facts into an orderly combination, to build and shape and mold for the purposes of dramatic interest and logicality, in such a way as to reveal what the writer has found to be the truth.

  Was I personally involved in the events described in this book? In almost every instance, to some degree, I would have to say yes. Now, before a group of my colleagues roll their eyes heavenward, the policewoman must explain—the writer is called upon to give no explanations. To some degree, I say yes, I was involved—as any police officer, active in the field of law enforcement, and encountering like experiences, gains an emotional understanding of events in which he does not actively participate. The events related in this book are based on things that have happened to me and things that have happened to other police officers. Policemen are the world’s greatest storytellers, and my police career has been a remarkable opportunity for a writer to sit and listen as they weave their stories. It was the writer who registered these events; it was the police officer who understood them.

  Perhaps this, then, is why the book was written. To show you, outside the world of the police officer, the way it is. The way it really is.